I’m in a mood for sure.
[ SF9 | So Beautiful ]
I wanted to stave off this post until the end of the month, but alas, the feels hit even before a week of April is up.
I’ve been in a mood for the past week or so, just thinking about life in general and reflecting on whether this is where I want to be. I won’t get too much into it as I haven’t gotten my thoughts sorted out at all – but for this moment, I thought it would be nice if you guys could pause and think about whether you are happy and living the life you want. If yes, I’m so happy and glad for you.
I’ve been feeling a sense of restlessness lately. I can’t quite put my finger on what I want – and that unsettles me. Do you guys ever feel like the problem isn’t that you don’t have the courage, but that you don’t have a dream? I’ve been questioning whether this path I’m walking is what I want – but the thing is, I have no clue what alternate paths I would rather be taking.
I once wrote a sappy post about the meaning of thoughtsramble to me, which was meant to be published on the 9th (?) anniversary of thoughtsramble, but I just never got around to publishing it…and I don’t think I ever will. I do feel wistful sometimes, wondering if I’ve failed despite writing for 10 years, especially when you can’t help but compare yourself with others. But I know when the mood passes, I’m just being hard on myself, and ultimately, thoughtsramble has to be just a nice, meaningful but side hobby.
I decided to write this post even though it’s so intimate because (1) thankfully this series attracts a small audience and more importantly, (2) I thought it could be a topic which is relatable. I’ve always enjoyed writing and if my writing could be of some interest or comfort when you are reading it, I’m contented.
Dramas-wise, I’m really liking how He is Psychometric is shaping up and truthfully, it’s the only thing which anchors me to the dramaland right now. Kill It is okay but it reminds me of a re-hash (ish) of City Hunter and Healer. Haven’t really started digging Doctor Prisoner but I will continue trying. Have just started The Fiery Priest and am waiting for Her Private Life to be out. Are there any dramas you would recommend to save me from this drought? I’ve been binging on SF9 videos to get through the week – their music in the day and their funny videos at night. Also, can I just say how lucky kpop fans are? There’s so much content to consume everyday. Back in those days (now I sound old don’t I) when I followed Taiwanese and Japanese idols, it was nearly impossible to get new content on a daily basis. I’m not complaining though for sure; I love my daily dosage of SF9 now. But I do wish I could also go back to those days of being excited by a daily dosage of dramas.
Alright, ending off here! A short fragmented post today, that is kinda intentionally left that way. I think you would finish reading the post even before the song is done, but I’m hoping you could stay on till the end just because it’s such a happy, Christmas-y song! Promised you a happy one didn’t I!(:
Till the next post!
“Do you guys ever feel like the problem isn’t that you don’t have the courage, but that you don’t have a dream?”
Mostly, both. I have zero idea what path I’d like to be on, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have the courage to be on it… I often have pauses where I feel everything I do is meaningless. Not necessarily in a depressing way (although, more often than I’d like, yes) but in a very pure “why am I doing this ? where does it lead me ? does it make me or anyone elser happier ?” way.
As luck would have, it I also planned a long post about the meaning of blogging to me, that I also never published because it felt way too intimate (and sappy, and depressing, and other stuff I didn’t want to inflict on others and that made me feel too vulnerable, and not a great human being).
I relate to things you wrote in that post. I also feel I failed, a lot of the time (most of the time, for me, really) while knowing you shouldn’t compare yourself, and I’m being hard on myself, and all that.
Anyway… I hope you sort things out in your heard and feel better for it in the long run. And I hope you keep doing the things that make you happy ♥
Can’t really recommend any airing dramas right now… I’m mostly watching Jumong, Haechi, and rewatching City Hunter (I smiled when you mentionned it, hehe)… But I did solve the issue of the song stopping before I was done reading and commenting by listening to it three times 😀 I’m a genius, and I like that song.
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Je suis desolée pour la réponse rétarde, wanted to make sure to reply this when I had the time to write a proper one! I really appreciate that you shared your thoughts with me!<3 I too wonder still where this path is leading me, but I struggle with the fact that I don't even have a tangible idea of where I would rather be instead. I'm unfortunately still in this mood, although it comes and goes, but yes I hope in the long run I will figure something out.
Because I've also had that post which would be sitting in the drafts folder forever, I can imagine exactly what you mean by sappy and depressing haha. Also yes on not feeling like a great human being; comparing myself to others brings out the childish (but I would like to think, human) side of me. We are a bunch of old folks being hard on ourselves aren't we? XD Side-note, you may find this ironic, but you are one of those I aspire to be on Twitter, so just know you are a ray of sunshine to many others!
Also wanted to let you know I smiled a very happy and an almost-teary smile at your reply + your last line HAHA. I'm so glad you liked the song^^
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Aw, tu es trop adorable ♥ Et je suis contente si je t’ai fait rire, aussi !
I do think those childish feelings are very human, yes. Thankfully I have friends that will listen to me whine, so it doesn’t fester too much inside, but even so, I don’t dare tell everything. Still, if they want to expose my childish and bitter side one day, they’ll have material, haha. It’s important to vent/express oneself, though. Or it poisons the inside. If you feel like you need to say stuff, you can always tell me. I know you might not feel like it, because there are some things we don’t want others to see, but at least you’ll know that I get it and… yeah… I just hope the things that you like don’t turn into things that make you sad ? If that makes sense.
And yes, it is so hard having no idea where we want to be 😦 At least if you know where you want to be, you can move towards that goal, or, heck, even get sad you can’t be there. But having no clue… it’s so utterly disempowering, in a way. And I know it also made me feel guilty, and ashamed. Because everyone seems to have goals 😦
Anyway. I’m sorry you are in that mood, and I do hope you get out of it ♥ I know it’s something that comes and goes, so even when getting out of it, we may fall back into it, but I hope one day you don’t fall back ♥
I don’t have any recommendations for currently running dramas. But if you haven’t seen Camrbian Period yet, you should check it out!
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Just did a quick Google, and Mike He’s in it? Am definitely going to check it out! XD
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It’s one of my favorite Mike He roles. He got to be very different from his usual characters. The drama is a little hard to find. The subber I knew had them on dailymotion but they’re gone now. But I think you can find it other places.